The START of Emotional Intelligence
Even with it being Spring Break, 55 women ready to do the vulnerable work, showed up to chat about emotions with Liza Johnson. This evening was full of discussion about our emotional wellbeing and how we are of a generation that this was not taught to. Liza truly just scratched the surface on this topic and we can’t wait for more opportunities for her to share her wisdom with us. For now, check out her slides from her presentation and the take-home sheet she gave to all our attendees on the Brain and Emotions. (Thanks Liza for doing the tough work for me in writing this- Love, Adele)
Emotions are data
Behind every emotion we feel, there is a message. If we ask ourselves “what information is this particular emotion sending me?’ We improve arenas. For example, if you feel uncomfortable with a person, try to ask yourself what your emotion are communicating to you. Think of emotions like a car’s dashboard: when your emotional “check engine light” comes on, you are receiving a signal. We have to learn to perceive our emotional dashboard lights!
We can try to ignore emotions, but it doesn’t work
Emotions are a psycho-physical event, they work automatically and affect our body and our mind. Emotions are chemicals that exist even if we pretend they’re not there. Emotions signal the body to prepare for opportunity and threat, regulating such basic functions as heart rate, blood flow, digestion, immunity, muscle response, and even body temperature. We can pretend emotions are not present, but the risk is to feel uncomfortable for long periods of time and, eventually, unfortunate effects on your health. Moreover, emotions drive our attention: They tell us what is important; they cause us to focus on the certain datum. Ignoring emotions is like lying on your own eye exam: you end up with a distorted vision.
Emotions are actually logical
While it’s tempting to dismiss emotion as ‘random,’ every emotion has a specific meaning. It's not fantasy but neuroscience. So when we see an emotional reaction in someone, don’t say “people are strange.” Instead, consider that they behaving in a way that makes sense given the emotions they're experiencing. They perceived something that made them react. Sometimes it can be difficult to see what set them off, but there is a trigger. This means we need to change our paradigm: we don’t have to judge their reaction but try to understand what causes it. This is great training for leaders who want to improve relationships with their colleagues.
Emotions are contagious
An anxious teacher often generates an anxious classroom - just as a cheerful and smiling colleague can put the staffroom in a good mood and create a positive climate. When we get home after a hard day and feel anxious, we need to know that our mood is going to affect the whole family. People often say that laughter is contagious; today it is clear that all the emotions are contagious. Starting to take care of our emotional state is a good way to improve all relationships. Our emotions influence the response we get from others!
We can try to hide emotions, but not very well!
Few of us have the acting abilities of Al Pacino or Meryl Streep…if you do, probably best move to Hollywood! For most people, when we feel an emotion, others notice it. Our facial muscles contract in the mouth, eyes, and cheeks. We communicate the emotions we feel in that moment - at least in the first seconds. Our voice changes and we may even blush. Yet all too often, we pretend that our emotions will be invisible, and enter a tense situation as if we're not broadcasting on an open microphone. For example, if we're in a heated conflict and try to pretend calm, all we're doing is sending a message of distrust. If we can accept that people around us are aware of what we are feeling, we can start with reality and find a better strategy.
Decisions use emotions to be effective
To lose weight, for most people (excluding individuals with pathological problems), it is simple from a theoretical point of view: eat healthy and more. We all know that we don’t have to spend money on specialists to get this information. But why is it so hard to lose weight? At a rational level, we understand that losing 10 pounds would give us more energy but then in the evening, we find ourselves on the couch eating chocolate. Many of us fight stress by eating, so a decision (eat healthy and move more) that seems clear from a rational point of view becomes impossible from the emotional point of view. To be sustainable, decisions need to be in alignment and utilize the rational and emotional parts together. People often say that to make a good decision we should leave emotion out. It turns out, when people overuse rational thinking and under-use emotion, they actually make worse decisions.